Ineffabilis Deus

I am struggling with one of the dogma's of the church....it is not that I don't believe it is just that I am seriously-- seriously struggling.  This is the dogma of Pope Pius IX, Ineffabilis Deus,

We declare, pronounce, and define that the doctrine which holds that the most Blessed Virgin Mary, in the first instance of her conception, by a singular grace and privilege granted by Almighty God, in view of the merits of Jesus Christ, the Savior of the human race, was preserved free from all stain of original sin, is a doctrine revealed by God and therefore to be believed firmly and constantly by all the faithful.[Emphasis mine]. 

 When I read the CCC #89:

Dogmas are lights along the path of faith; they illuminate it and make it secure. Conversely, if our life is upright, our intellect and heart will be open to welcome the light shed by the dogmas of faith. [Emphasis mine]. 

When I perform a examination of conscience, other than foul language ( I am working on this too),  this is what I come up with.

I love the Blessed Virgin Mary, she is "my life, my sweetest and my hope", I just really stumbling here.  I don't know.    I have read, read and read, from the Blessed Scotus,  Karl Rahner, Fr. Raymond E. Brown, Fr Fitzmyer, Richard Bulzacchelli, Scott Hahn, and the defining dogmatic document itself, Ineffabilis Deus ...the list goes on and on.

While struggling with this issue I came across this quote of Fr. Rahner, and we can disagree with Rahner on many many points, but I believe here he is dead on:

The only answer seems to be that, whenever I obey such a law, I must keep looking directly at You, In this way I can pay homage to You, directly and exclusively, and not to the thing that is required of me, not even to the thing as the reflected splendor of Your Being. Precisely because there is in the thing itself nothing to which I can give my heart without reserve, obedience can be the expression of my seeking  You alone in it.

Those whom know me, know I am very very ground in my catholic faith, just I don't know why I am even struggling with this.  Alas, I am.